Thank you for being here friends from the US, and Germany. You are always welcome to visit any time 😉
Are you a parent or not yet?
Tamana, a mother of two, came to our group today in tears. She explained a rude situation that happened to her with her daughter. She was mad, but she controlled herself. She felt it was better to react to the wrong behavior of your kids immediately.
As parents, we definitely need to teach our children how to treat others with kindness, and how to communicate big feelings without being disrespectful.
Unfortunately, we cannot teach them to be respectful in the heat of the moment.
I know you WANT to deal with it right then and there.
But, once your child is angry, disappointed, frustrated, or upset, the thinking part of their brain has shut down. They are in survival mode. Their body is flooded with stress chemicals and they are not able to hear and process the lessons you are trying to teach.
Plus, we can’t teach our kids to be respectful by treating them with disrespect.
I know you HATE being disrespected.
To address the behavior without threatening, bribing, or responding with disrespect, you need to:
- Stay calm: It’s not easy to keep cool when our kids are being rude. This may feel impossible at first. Meeting them with disrespect sends the wrong message. Instead, model good self-care by taking a deep breath.
- Decode the Behavior: Look at things from your child’s perspective. Were they caught off guard? Is what you’re asking inconvenient? Do they feel powerless? Their response is a reflection of what they are feeling inside.
- Empathize: Help your child understand their own feelings by offering an empathetic response, “It seems unfair that we have to go already” or “I know it’s hard to leave when you’re having such a fun time!” You do not have to agree with the feeling, it simply means that you are willing to relate to their experience.
- Check the Time: Some kids are affected by low blood sugar, hunger or thirst. Others are very sensitive to environmental stimulation or not getting enough sleep. Has it been awhile since your child ate? Could they use a sip of water? Or a break from a loud environment?
- Slow It Down: It’s easy to get pulled away with the “runaway train” of angry, frustrated words and emotions. Instead of jumping on board and responding to every criticism or complaint your child throws at you, try to put on the brakes, “Whoa! That’s a lot of info. I’d like to listen, but you’re talking too fast. Let’s calm down so I can understand what you’re trying to say.”
- Connect: If your child is misbehaving, the last thing on your mind is cuddling. However, for many kids, connection is exactly what they need! If you are able to look past the behavior and ignore all of the big feelings and overwhelming emotion, you will be able to see that your child is hurting and needs support. Sometimes, a hug is better than any verbal response.