Worried?

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Why do you seek approval from others?

This is what I was talking about to my colleague, Janet, two days ago. She explained that her boyfriend always sought the approval and the validation of his friends, almost in everything he did. She also mentioned that their relationship was greatly affected by that.

There is a number of reasons why people do this. Few of them are:

The showers of affection and validation of your choices make you feel good. That fabulous feeling is what you are wanting to achieve. And you are addicted to those feel good emotions. And why not ? It’s a free ticket
into the vortex of that wonderful flow of thrill into your body.
Our inner being sees how special we are and knows our value.
In the absence of unconditional love and approval that we should be giving ourselves, we feel immobilized to move forward without other people from our lives giving us that much needed love and approval.
In early childhood, we adopted beliefs around pleasing others to receive love and appreciation. And our self identity got tied to how others saw us.

In order to overcome this habit of seeking others’ approval here’s some tips, which you can practice on a daily basis, or whenever needed:

. Establish a good, healthy and strong relationship with yourself. No body has the power to make you feel bad about yourself.

. Be aware of the motivation behind your behavior and actions. Show up as you really are because you truly are unique and wonderful just the way you are.

. Think in your mind that you are special, and that you will be acting to feel good about yourself, not to have the approval of others (childish right?). Keep this kind of affirmation for yourself, and keep repeating them until they are part of you.

. Be just as kind to yourself as you are to your friends. Have the courage to take risks, commit and allow yourself to fail. It’s okay, you live and learn. Don’t compare yourself with others too. Just because you’re not going down the same path as other people, doesn’t mean it’s the wrong path.

. Practice makes perfect, right? Remember that this new thought process is not going to change over night. Don’t simply give up when you encounter any obstacles. Learn from your mistakes and try again.

Thinking about what everyone else’s opinion might be of you, and working out how you might best receive favorable responses from them is draining. Consider how much more time, money, and energy you would have if you only worried about pleasing yourself.