1Zumba Fireworks!

Dear Friends, followers, & readers from everywhere, thank you for being loyal friends, and eager, as I am, to know more about things going on around us, in our huge, yet tiny, world.

Today specifically, thank you for¬†the US, & the UK ūüėČ

I tend to be optimistic to a certain extent. My friend Alicia was supposed to meet with me to go to 1Zumba. Since it was heavily raining, when she didn’t show up, I thought it might be the weather, you know, many people do not care that much to do things in a¬†rainy weather.

I called her just to know¬†if everything was¬†OK. I was surprised to find her crying, coz she¬†was a tough person. I asked her what was it? She said: “My daughter, Margo, had an accident!” I was in a complete shock, coz we were together last week, n she was a blast of energy and fun. I asked her if I could come by and¬†help her out of that terrible mood. She welcomed my suggestion, and I went¬†to her, to know how I could be of any¬† support to her. I asked her about Margo’s accident; where it happened, when, what, etc..

Alicia started to narrate a whole long story, coz the accident was not actually an accident. The accident¬†was a trail of accidents; unbelievable chain of events. First, she said: “My daughter is in the hospital! (Murray or something like that) Then she continued: “I am not allowed to see her now at all”. “She is not in a coma, thank God, but she is not stable enough to speak to anyone”.

I tried to calm her down, patting her shoulder. As a mother, I felt how she was struggling, as if she wanted¬† to¬† get it out of her chest, but at the same time, she didn’t want me to know about her daughter’s illness.

She said: “The illness is nothing new to Margo, she’s been sick for more than ten years, right after her 19th birthday.” “She started acting weird, speaking very fast, but I said probably she was under the stress of school studies, being a medical school student, sometimes it has its price.

The price was really high, coz after her first year in school, where she was really smart and having top grades all the time, she was drinking a lot of coffee, and coke, day or night. Sometimes, she didn’t sleep for two or three consecutive days. Whenever, I tried to give her an advice, she wouldn’t listen to me or to her brothers. She became obsessed with the school, the program, the grades, the future, the top position she would get.

Things went out of control, in her second year. We tried to take her to a¬† psychiatric but she refused, and one day when I came back home, I found her sitting on a chair behind the counter of¬†our building’s security guard. She was not looking at me, or anyone, she was totally like a frozen bag of ice. They threw a blanket around her. She was gazing in a straight line, talking to no one, answering no one. The guard told me he didn’t know what else he should do except calling my cell. I called 911, n she was taken to the¬†ER for the first time.

She was not there. She was not in our world. She was somewhere else.” The doctors said: “She is in a shock.” They told me that she was given medication through the IV, since she was refusing drinking, eating, or talking, she added while she was all in tears.

Believe me guys, I didn’t know what to do or what to say, to comfort¬† my friend. I felt sorry for her. I felt how hard it was on her to live all those kinds of agonies. I felt she was brave to keep all that pain inside her, without telling anyone about it for more than ten years. I felt speechless, I didn’t want to say something that would increase her suffering, or cause her any bad feeling.

I sympathized with her situation,¬†trying to help saying: “Pls let me know how I can help, or what do you want me to do to help you pls, etc… Inside of me, I was crying, I was so sorry that she was going through all of that by herself. Her husband passed away five years ago, n her sons were overseas serving our country.

Alicia continued after pausing for few moments: “Since 2001, we have been living this nightmare. It happened all of a sudden with no warning. It ate all our resources. It made our lives like hell. It affected the whole family. Even my husband died, I think, coz of his deep sadness about Margo’s situation. But he left all burdens¬†for me. Since his death I had to deal with everything that occurred to Margo alone.

1Zumba is my disguise. 1Zumba is the mask I wear to hide all the traumas I have to handle every single day.  No one else I ever talked to about Margo. With her doctors, nurses, social workers, of course I talked, n in some instances, I had to talk to the Attorney-General coz there has been some legal side to the matter too, some tricky twists for unfavorable events.

She grabbed a tissue from the box sitting next to her wiping her running tears and nose. I was in tears too, but controlling myself, just to let her be over it. Alicia needed someone to listen to her; to her pains, to her injuries, to her personal life disasters, as she described them. I happened to be the one there on that time. Suddenly, she stood up and told me there was something she wanted to show to me.

She disappeared for a moment, and came back with a green box full of files of different colors, n she said: “This is one of¬† several other boxes¬†where I keep all Margo’s health history. I can’t get rid of any of these papers, always thinking what if one paper may help her physician in finding the right solution for her. I keep accumulating files, papers, prescriptions, even labels, etc.”.

She murmured: “These boxes are¬†a huge burden placed on my head, and every time I decide to burn them, I change my mind. Even when¬†I try to cut down on them,¬†once I start going through the pages, I find myself recalling the¬†series of¬†events; they are all¬†coming back again alive¬†to my mind, as if¬†they have¬†just happened.”

Frankly speaking, I¬†wanted her to stop¬†saying anything more,¬†in my mind. I got exhausted of hearing all these incidents, one after another. Alicia was devastated but I couldn’t understand yet the whole story, coz she kept bringing up parts from the past along with others from the present.¬†It was a bit confusing¬† since that was the first time that I¬† heard her talking about Margo, in this way.

May be if she stored those boxes, part of the pressure would go away. May be if she had a partner in her life, that would make her life easier, coz sometimes when two people share things together that would lessen the intensity of issues. I did not know what to do. I felt that my brain would go to sleep, seriously, I had no words to say, and no solution to offer.

But at the same time, I was curious to know more about Margo. What brought her to have that illness or illnesses? Why physicians not treating her? If they did, why was she suffering for more than ten years; the best years of her life!!

It is SO SAD. When a mother sees her¬†girl not able to enjoy life the way other gals in her age do. But there is nothing in her hands to do. My guess is that Alicia did everything possible but it was not enough. Then, after I was no longer responding at all to anything she was saying, she said: “You are my only trusted friend, and I want you to read these files, and tell me what you think.” So my instant reaction was: “Excuse me! I am not a physician.”

She stopped crying, she said: “I know but you are smart.” I said: ” What does this mean?” She said: “I want you to read as many files as you can, and then let me know where I failed. There must have been¬†something, needed to be done, and we didn’t do, or we did it incorrectly.” I want my girl to come back to me the way she was before sickness.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I used the line that says: “Let me think about it, and then get back to you.”

Feeling that it was time to change her mood a bit, I gave her a¬† smiley look¬†asking: “Now, are we going to 1Zumba tomorrow? to which she answered: ” Where else I should escape to;¬†all I have is 1Zumba fireworks!” ūüôā

That was part of the letter sent to me by a Zin friend, asking for advice.

If you feel you can help her pls do. Until we talk again, take care & stay cool ‚̧

[To be continued]

 

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